Unlearning Obedience: From Approval-Seeking to Self-Sovereignty
Hello Brave One,
How many times have you caught yourself softening your words, dimming your presence, or swallowing your own needs just to keep the peace? How many times have you apologized for things that required no apology at all?
From the time we are young, we are taught—subtly and overtly—to be agreeable, accommodating, and easy to digest. We internalize the message that our worth is measured by how well we fit into the expectations of others. And so, we become experts at seeking approval, contorting ourselves to be likable rather than sovereign.
But what happens when the need for approval starts to suffocate the truth of who we are?
Challenging the Need to Be Chosen
For too long, we’ve been conditioned to believe that belonging comes at the cost of authenticity. That love is earned through compliance. That our value is tied to how well we take care of everyone else, often at the expense of ourselves.
Let’s unlearn that.
This week is about breaking free from the cage of approval. It’s about recognizing the ways we’ve been trained to prioritize acceptance over autonomy—and consciously choosing another path. Because the truth is, you don’t need to be chosen. You don’t need permission to take up space, to stand firm, to own your voice without hesitation.
Unfiltered Moment
For most of my life, I was chasing approval that was never mine to have. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was running toward something that didn’t exist—a version of love that came with conditions, a version of belonging that required me to shrink. And no matter how much I twisted myself to fit, no matter how much I tried to earn my mother’s approval, it was always just out of reach.
The moment I came out to her was the moment I stopped running. I knew it would disappoint her. I knew it would fracture the fragile illusion I had built in my head—that if I just did everything right, if I just became what she wanted, I would finally be enough in her eyes. But something in me knew I couldn’t keep betraying myself for a dream that was never going to be real.
So, I chose me. I chose truth. I chose not to shrink.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But in the years that followed, as I healed from that moment, I began to understand something: The validation I had been desperately seeking—the love, the acceptance, the feeling of being seen—was never something I could get from someone else. It was something I had to give myself.
And the more I stood in my truth, the more I saw how much of my life had been shaped by that hunger for external approval. Before coming out, I had sought attention in ways that I thought would make me feel whole. I had confused being chosen with being worthy. But none of it filled the void. Because the only thing that could ever fill it was me, living in alignment with who I truly am.
Now, that truth touches every part of my life. I no longer seek permission to take up space. I no longer soften myself for someone else’s comfort. And I no longer wait to be chosen—because I have already chosen myself.
Tools for Transformation
Self-Inquiry Prompt: Where in my life am I still waiting for permission? Who or what am I afraid to disappoint?
Empowerment Exercise: Practice saying no this week without cushioning it with apologies or justifications. Let it be a full sentence.
Book Recommendation: The Curse of the Good Girl by Rachel Simmons—a powerful look at how social conditioning keeps women small and how to break free from it.
Empowering Music for the Week
This week’s song: "Woman" by Kesha—an anthem for unapologetic self-ownership.
For Paid Members: Exclusive Content This Week
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Audio Guide: The Courage to Be Misunderstood—How to stand firm when people resist your growth.
Challenge: Radical No—Say NO three times this week without explaining yourself. Pay attention to how it feels in your body.
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In Your Corner, Always
You don’t need to be palatable. You don’t need to be pleasant. You don’t need to be anything other than exactly who you are. This is the week to unlearn obedience, to break the habit of shrinking, and to step fully into your own authority.
Are you ready?
With you,
Dee
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