You Don’t Have to Lead Like a Man

We’ve been taught a very narrow story about what leadership looks like.

Take charge. Be decisive. Speak first. Know everything. Keep emotions out of it. Push through. Don’t let them see you soften.

And for a while, I tried to lead that way.
I thought I had to.

I thought being taken seriously meant abandoning my body.
Abandoning my intuition.
Abandoning the quiet, steady wisdom that doesn’t always move in straight lines or deliver answers on demand.

I performed confidence. I mimicked certainty. I hardened where I felt most tender.

And then I started to burn out.

Because the truth is—I was never meant to lead like that.

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Soft power leads differently.

It doesn’t dominate. It magnetizes.
It doesn’t bark orders. It invites clarity.
It doesn’t override emotions. It listens to them, integrates them, lets them speak—but doesn’t let them steer the whole ship.

Soft power leads like water—carving stone not by force, but by persistence.

It leads with breath. With pause. With presence.

It can be fierce. It can be decisive. But it’s rooted in listening, not performance.

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I’ve led circles where the most powerful moment was a silence no one rushed to fill.
I’ve led clients to breakthrough not by giving them the answer, but by asking the right question and waiting.
I’ve led my own life back into alignment—not by doing more, but by doing less from a deeper place.

This is leadership, too.
And it’s one we were never taught to value.

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If you’re finding your own way to lead—your family, your clients, your community, your own nervous system—
and it doesn’t look like what you’ve seen on stages or in boardrooms or in books,
that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It might mean you’re doing it right.

Because leadership doesn’t have to look like power suits and perfect answers.
It can look like grounded presence.
Like staying open.
Like trusting timing.
Like refusing to pretend you know when you actually want to pause and feel.

You don’t have to lead like a man.
You don’t have to lead like the version of yourself the world said was “professional.”

You get to lead like you.
Like a woman rooted in her own rhythm.
Like someone who values stillness as much as strategy.
Like someone who knows that power isn’t something you push—it’s something you remember.

—
Dee
(In your corner, always.)